


a series of unfurtunate events

by spearbi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 3racha hinted, Comfort, Gen, M/M, OT9 - Freeform, flossing?, fortnite, i dont KNOW what tf this is.., i was . high writing this, kitten!felix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-10 02:36:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18929578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spearbi/pseuds/spearbi
Summary: lee felix fights the forces of the evil, turns into a cat, and plays fortnite ( not necessarily in that order ).





	a series of unfurtunate events

**Author's Note:**

> if u follow me on twt u know that this bastard work came from that 1 video of skz with kittens..... idk what the f!ck this is but im posting it because. why the hell not!
> 
> if u hate me after this tell me so! im on twt @MlR0H.

Felix considers himself to be a fairly intelligent person. He’s managed to debut with one of the hottest rising groups in Korea, his grades in high school were almost perfect, and he can floss with deadly precision. 

So it’s against his better judgement that he downloads an aimbot program for his upcoming Fortnite championship. Look- it’s silly, he knows- but Fortnite is one of the few ways that he likes to destress between performances and recording in the studio. 

One of his online friends had suggested that Felix try an aimbot program- “ _it’s just to help you with shooting enemies, dude, it’s awesome_ -” and he had. Is, currently. 

It’s free, which is a good sign, right? Felix squints at the pixelated DOWNLOAD button before left-clicking on his mouse. Whatever. It’s not like what he’s doing is illegal or anything. 

( It’s definitely illegal. )

The program is still downloading, so Felix cracks his knuckles and meanders out of his room and into the kitchen he shares with the eight other members. _I think Seungmin left some hot cheetos behind the frosted flakes_. 

He lets out a quiet “ _aha_!” upon discovering the half-full bag of cheetos. He grabs it, wincing at the crinkles the plastic makes in the quiet of the dorms, and scurries back to his room just in time. 

The cursor on his computer blinks. 

HELLO! WELCOME TO AIMBOT 3000. PLEASE CLICK ‘CONTINUE’ TO GET STARTED. 

_Okay_ , Felix thinks, _simple enough_. He clicks on the CONTINUE button, his other hand buried somewhere deep within the bag of cheesy death-fire. 

TYPE IN ADMINISTRATOR PASSWORD TO GIVE AIMBOT CONTROL OVER YOUR GAME. 

Holy shit. These cheetos are _really_ spicy. He’s going to need to grab a glass of milk or something. Felix chicken pecks the password onto his keyboard, eyes watering. He staggers into the kitchen and fumbles around in the fridge for the milk- no, that’s Woojin’s emergency Hennessy- and chugs down half of the cow milk right out of the carton. 

( “ _I mean, it’s technically breast milk”, Minho says, a look of revulsion passing over his face, “And breast milk is for babies. Should grown men be drinking breast milk?_ ” 

_“Jesus, dude,” Felix sputters, pushing his milkshake away, “Way to ruin my appetite.”_

_Minho sips his almond milk primly. There’s a satisfied curl to his lips. “You hate me because you know I’m right.” )_

Not even the thought of drinking cow breast milk can prevent the sigh of relief that passes from Felix’s lips as the bonfire in his mouth is sated. The stuff is _sour_ , though. Felix doesn’t bother checking the expiry date; he’s too afraid of what he might see. 

_Thank you, lady cow gods_ , he prays silently, setting the milk back into the fridge. _Thank you for your sacrifice_. No harm in being polite, right? 

Felix freezes in the doorway of his bedroom. The computer has started Fortnite already. _Did I run the launcher before I left?_ He probably has-His brain is most likely a little bit fried, what with recording for the new album and attending radio shows and promotional events. He shrugs and plops back down into his gaming chair, pulling his headphones up over his ears. 

A little blue triangle in the top right of his screen lets him know that AIMBOT 3000 is up and running. 

A couple people from his guild message him almost instantly, having received the notification that _sonicbaby420_ is online. 

Felix smiles as one of his closer online friends, _**narutoes69**_ , sends him a text:

_**narutoes69** : hey man! u ready 2 kick some a$$ 2nite?_

_**sonicbaby420** : u know it!!!!!_

And kick ass Felix _does_. It’s like he’s not even doing any of the work, really- AIMBOT 3000 makes it so that Felix doesn’t even have to point his gun at any opponents to snipe them out. It’s glorious. 

The guild is ecstatic; _sonicbaby420_ has never played quite so beautifully, so artfully. They either message him or heap on their praise directly over voice chat. Felix responds with a much higher pitched version of his voice ( a skill that _does_ come in handy ). 

They win match after match, Felix taking charge and destroying buildings and enemy guilds with a single-minded passion.

Towards the end of the tournament, unfamiliar users begin to message him, sending him irritated sentences of text

_**seokjingay** : bitch stop cheating smh_

_**kronkdm** : ur using an aimbot aren’t u. bastard._

And then one that sends an honest to god shiver down Felix’s spine: 

_**animetitty** : i know that you are cheating. probably using one of those aimbot programs. admit to your hedonistic ways and i will not make your life a living hell._

_**animetitty** : i can and i will sacrifice one of my beloved hens in order to guarantee your immense and eternal suffering. there will be no forgiveness_. 

Felix raises an irritated eyebrow and falls for the bait. 

_**sonicbaby420** : dude stfu_

_**animetitty** : scum. you were warned. soon you will repent for your sins._

_**animetitty** : :)_

_**sonicbaby420** : whatever?_

Felix stares at the blinking cursor for a long moment, something restless and uneasy creeping under his skin. Is this some kind of reverse psychology? Is psychological warfare being used against him on the battlefield of cyberspace? 

_My mother didn’t raise a coward_ , Felix decides, and exits out of the chat. He’ll keep playing, thank you very much. 

Thankfully, _animetitty_ stays silent for the remainder of the tournament. Felix's’ guild wins and he promptly forgets about the weird conversation, too lost in the euphoria of winning enough bitcoin to support his online endeavours for a very long time. 

The guild also wins a lifetime supply of McDonald’s apple pies, but Felix would have to go to the HQ in Seoul to claim that prize, and he’s not quite sure that he wants all his fans knowing about his online persona. 

( And, truth be told, Felix doesn’t need that gift. If used correctly, bitcoin can turn into many, _many_ apple pies. Seungmin had shown him how to invest in online stocks months ago. It’s amazing how easy it is to make money for free. )

When he finally says goodbye to his guild and logs off, it’s nearly four in the morning. Felix yawns and stands, wincing as a wave of dizziness washes over him. He has to be up for practice in three hours. 

_That’s what I get for staying up so late._

He flops into bed and pulls the blankets up around him, humming at how nice his sore legs feel against the soft, cool sheets. Ever since debut, Felix has been so, so exhausted, but he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

The moon peeks in and out of the clouds, scattering dappled moonlight onto his sheets, and Felix smiles. _I’ve never been happier_. 

Something in his stomach twists, and Felix shifts uncomfortably. _I’m going to have to check and see how bad that milk was._

Felix barely remembers to set the alarm on his phone before drifting off deep into dreamland, a strange kind of itch creeping up the base of his spine.

»»————-　♡　————-««

The man curls around his laptop, shoulders tense and hair sticking up in wild tufts. His expression is visibly enraged, and perhaps he has a right to be.

For months, he has been the number one Fortnite player in the eastern hemisphere. It has been his only success in life. That, and he is very adept at cutting the heads off of chickens with his bare hands.

There is not much else to do in his tiny town, this far north. Fortnite has been his legacy.

Until now. 

Until _sonicbaby420_ , who has objectively ripped away the only dignity he has left. The man curses something vile in Russian and stands. _sonicbaby420_ has just made a grave mistake. 

“Fool,” the man mutters, pulling out a massive, dusty book. 

The Book, he calls it. The cover seems to be made of animal skin, cracked and yellow, and there’s either ketchup stains or blood smeared across the first two pages. The man leans in and sniffs it. His nose wrinkles. _Chili._

He flips to an appropriate page, hands trembling. “Yes,” The man murmurs. A wind picks up inside the little cottage, sending cans of mountain dew and empty takeout dishes flying. “Soon, you will know what real pain is. Soon, you will suffer like I have.” 

Somebody thumps on the ceiling below, startling the man. It’s his mother. “Alexi, shut the fuck up and go to bed!” 

“ _Da_ , mother,” He replies sullenly. Shoulders hunched, he returns to his book. The wind picks up again, a little more carefully than before. “You will suffer,” Alexi whispers, fingers tightening around The Book. “You _will_.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Chan wakes up at 6:30 in the morning to see Jisung’s face approximately two inches away from his own. His first thought is _What the hell is Jisung doing up before seven_ , and, after a moment, a second _Oh god, has somebody died?_

Jisung doesn’t look like somebody has just met with the grim reaper, however. There’s no trace of fear or horror on his sleepy, puffy-eyed face. He mostly just looks… confused. 

Chan drags a hand over his face and sits up slowly, rubbing away bits of sleep from the corners of his eyes. “What’s going on?” 

Jisung bites at a hangnail and looks back at the door. “Something…. happened.” 

Chan swings his legs over the side of the bed, suddenly wide awake. “What is it? Is anybody hurt?” Jisung trails after him in his too-big shirt and plaid boxers, eyes wide and a little lost. 

How Chan manages to look like an Adult even in a koala patterned pajama set is beyond him. Jisung notices Chan looking back at him and blinks. “Huh? No. Felix is just. Gone. Maybe.” 

Chan narrows his eyes. “ _Maybe_?” 

Jisung sighs and waves Chan ahead. “Just come and see for yourself. You’re not going to believe me otherwise.” 

Chan nods plods ahead, resigned to the fact that his morning to going to be chaotic. Again. 

“Jisung, I swear to god if I walk into that room and end up with another bucket of egg yolk and honey on my head…” 

“I promise it’s nothing like that,” Jisung replies. He pauses. “You know why we did that though, right? Your hair is, like, in dire need of some moisture.” 

“Nothing can save _this_ ,” Chan murmurs, touching his head. They both wince at the crackling noise the strands of hair make. 

Woojin steps out of the bathroom, already dressed and ready to go. There’s a small cut on his jaw where his razor must have slipped. The oldest member takes in Chan and Jisung’s grim faces and freezes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Felix,” they reply in unison. Woojin drops his pajamas on the floor and scurries after them. They’re met with an odd scene: Seungmin perched on the chair next to Felix’s bed, face white and hands tucked under his thighs. 

“Well?” Chan demands. “Where is he?” 

Seungmin swallows. “I think- I think he’s right there.”

Chan and Woojin follow the line of Seungmin’s trembling pointer finger right to Felix’s bed. Chan rubs his eyes. “There’s nobody there.” 

Woojin makes a confused sound. “Is that a cat?” 

Chan can feel a migraine starting to form at the base of his skull. He'll have to ask Changbin for some Advil later. Chan sighs, leans in- and yeah, there’s a cat. 

A kitten, actually, with white and ginger colouring. There’s a smattering of brown dots across its face, and slightly darker stripes across the back and legs. It’s curled up into a little ball right on Felix’s pillow, sides expanding and contracting with every tiny breath. It’s _super_ cute. 

But it’s not Felix. Chan straightens up and puts his hands on his hips. “Okay, funny joke, you guys. The kitten is adorable, but we need to be out the door in an hour and a half and we can’t take it with us. Where’s Felix hiding?” 

Jisung frowns. “Seungmin and I aren’t joking, Chan. We woke up, Felix was gone, and this kitten was in his place.” 

Seungmin clears his throat. “I’m pretty sure that the kitten is Felix.” 

“And why is that?” Chan says dryly. Seungmin flushes. 

“Intuition?” 

Woojin laughs. “You can’t be serious.” Maybe his voice is too loud, his laughter a little too nervous, because after a few moments there are two heads poking around the door. Chan sighs. “Good morning, guys.” 

Hyunjin and Jeongin push open the door all the way and sidle in. Hyunjin gives everyone in the room a dirty look. He doesn’t like getting up before he absolutely has to. 

“Morning,” Jeongin says nonchalantly, arms crossed over his chest. “What’s going on?” 

“Jisung and Seungmin thought it’d be funny to prank me,” Chan says. 

“Felix turned into a _kitten_!” Seungmin cries beseechingly. Jisung nods and crosses his arms over his chest. 

_thumpthumpthump._

Woojin tilts his head to one side. “Does anyone else hear that?” 

_THUMPthumpthumpTHUMP._

Everyone freezes, waiting in a tense kind of silence as the thumping gets louder. Minho skids to a stop in front of the door, eyes wild and chest heaving. “Did somebody say kitten?” 

“Felix,” Jisung stammers, pointing at the bed. “Felix. Kitten.” He’s never seen such a feral look in Minho’s eyes before. 

_I knew he liked cats, but this is next level._

Jisung has seen how elderly women look at newborn babies, and that expression is nearly indistinguishable to the one Minho is wearing right now. 

It’s terrifying. 

“Let me see,” Minho says quietly. He pushes past Chan and kneels beside the bed. “Oh no. Look at how cute you are!” He makes a cooing noise. The kitten twitches its whiskers and stirs slightly. 

Jeongin cups his hand around his mouth. “ _Felix, wake up_!” 

The seven of them watch with a kind of fascinated horror as the kitten’s head shoots straight up, big brown eyes wide and confused. It looks up at the closest person- Minho- with recognition, and meows. 

“Told you,” Seungmin says smugly. The kitten makes a little snuffling noise and flops back against the comforter, blissfully unaware of the tension around it. 

Changbin steps into the room and freezes. There are big pink bunny slippers on his feet. “What the fuck is going on?” 

“Felix turned into a kitten overnight,” Jisung says solemnly. 

Changbin tugs at the strap of his tank top and looks around at the seven other members. “Are you being serious?” 

Hyunjin nods. “ _Serious_ , serious.” 

Jeongin’s voice is hushed, disbelieving. “Maybe it _is_ Felix. I mean, it’s not impossible, right?” 

They all stare down at the hand-sized kitten curled up on Felix’s bed. Hyunjin picks at his lip nervously. He has a pink bandanna on, dark hair pushed back off his forehead. 

“I think it might actually be him. Look. They have the same freckles.” 

Minho grins. “Can we keep him?” 

Chan really doesn’t like how pleased Minho seems to be with this strange turn of events. Slowly, carefully, he reaches out to pat the little kitten’s head with one shaky finger. “Felix?” He asks, voice slow and calm. 

The kitten blinks its eyes open again, sleepy and soft. It stares up at Chan with those round, round eyes. “ _Nyan_?” 

“Felix,” Chan says, his voice cracking on the last syllable, “If this is actually you, nod twice.” 

The kitten nods twice. 

Changbin’s jaw drops. “Holy shit!”

Jisung is not quite so convinced. Any trained cat could nod on command- and it’s possible that this cat isn’t even a cat. Jisung has seen enough documentaries to know that aliens have already landed on earth- maybe this is one of them. No, Jisung needs a _sign_. 

“Hey,” Jisung says, serious as can be, “If you’re really Felix, you need to _prove_ it to us. Do something that only you would do.” 

The eight of them stand in dumbfounded silence as the kitten yawns, stretches, and proceeds to hit the woah. It’s perfect. It’s-

Hyunjin leans forward, eyes shining. “It’s Felix.” 

The little kitten purrs. 

Chan drops his head into his hands. “We have to practice in an hour, and go to a photoshoot at five. And there’s a fansign tomorrow,” He moans. “What are we going to do?” 

It’s a very good point, actually. Everyone looks at Felix, who manages to look rather sheepish, even in kitten form. What _are_ they going to do?

»»————-　♡　————-««

Felix doesn’t know why they’re all looking at him like that- like he has the goddamn _answer_ , or something. All he knows is that he woke up a couple minutes ago a ) needing to go pee and b ) wanting fish like, _really_ badly.

Everyone is louder, too. And smellier. Chan really needs to cut back on that perfume. Felix tries to say so, but everyone just keeps staring at him.

“ _Meow meow_!” Felix says, exasperated. _It’s like they’re not even listening!_

Chan sighs. His eyes have deep circles under them; Felix can’t help but feel a little guilty for contributing to that. “Felix- do you have _any_ idea how this may have happened? You didn’t buy anything from that witchcraft shop at the mall yesterday, did you?” 

Felix shakes his head. _No_. Maybe it was something in that expired milk? Perhaps the lady cow gods had taken offence to him drinking their spoiled breast milk and had decided to punish him once and for all. 

_Punish_ … something tickles the back of his brain, hides under the tip of his tongue. Felix tries to chase it, but a kitten brain is not as sharp as a human brain and the strange tickle is quickly replaced with thoughts of fish and, strangely enough, balls of yarn. 

“Well, we can’t just not go to practice,” Woojin says thoughtfully. “I say we just bring him with us and tell the staff that he’s home sick with the flu.” 

Chan sighs. “But where will we put him?” 

“He could probably fit quite nicely inside my fanny pack,” Changbin offers. “I could put some cat treats in there.” 

Felix shoots him a withering glare. “Not funny, dumbass!” 

( That’s what he _tries_ to say, anyways. It comes out sounding more like: “ _Meeeeoooooow_!” The tone must have come across regardless, because Seungmin laughs and tells Changbin to shut up. ) 

In the end they elect Woojin to take Felix for the time being.

“Hey,” Woojin says softly, crouching down so that Felix is at eye level. “I know this is probably weird and more than a little uncomfortable for you, but we’ll all do our best to figure this out together, okay?” 

“Okay,” Felix murmurs, nodding his head up and down. Woojin smiles and scoops him up with both hands. Felix hisses a little when he sees just how high up he is, but Woojin pats him lightly on the head and asks him what he’d like for breakfast and he soon feels much better.

( Woojin smells _very_ good, like clean sheets and soap. Felix has never noticed this before. ) 

In the end, Felix spells out SALMON using the keyboard of his laptop. Woojin and Minho scrounge some up from the fridge and start to fry it up. It sizzles and pops on the frying pan, filling the kitchen with the lovely smell of fish fat and roasting herbs. 

Hyunjin slides into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and gives Felix a gentle ear rub. “Hey, dude.” 

“ _Mrrrow_ ,” Felix replies, his paws curling a little at how _awesome_ ear rubs feel. What kind of ear rub training did Hyunjin go through? How many years did it take him to be able to make kittens melt into a puddle of goo with one touch? 

“Yeah,” Hyunjin says. He loads up his chopsticks with a mouthful of egg and rice and takes a bite. “I know. But I’m sure of two things: either we’re all sharing a joint hallucination, or you’ll be better by tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow? _Tomorrow_? Felix rolls the word around his kitten-brain. Time feels different as a cat. It’s looser- more malleable, like maybe his tomorrow could be Hyunjin’s year. It’s a weird feeling. He just purrs and butts his head against Hyunjin’s warm hand. 

They all eat breakfast together, like they usually do. It’s just a little less rambunctious than usual, what with a kitten sitting at the table, eating fried salmon and wiping his paws off on a napkin. 

( Nobody notices the blue triangle glowing on the top corner of Felix’s laptop, and they definitely don’t see the Fortnite message notifications, either. )

»»————-　♡　————-««

_**animetitty** : hello, bastard._

_**animetitty** : i would just like to know if you are dead or not. i was (rightfully) very upset last night and may have used my E͏̳̮̘V͈̩I͎̺̻S̻C̦̜̲E̙͕͍̲̮R̯͇AT̞̖͖̕E̘̙̞̱͚̳ͅ ̴̫̹͍̳̩̬TH̬͖̥͇̠̥̦Y̺̪͖͓̗ ̩͍̲͘B̩̲O̻͎̘̯̫͟D̴̟̘Y spell too hastily._

_**animetitty** : please dm me back i don’t want to go to jail_

_animetitty: hello? HELLO???? BASTARD??????_

_**animetitty** : …..ебать_

»»————-　♡　————-««

Practice doesn’t go too well. Seungmin really isn’t that surprised- having one of the members turn into a feline suddenly isn’t likely to improve group synergy or focus- but it’s still a little disheartening. They have an album dropping in a week and even now, after hours of practice, they’re not good enough.

 _Not ready enough_ , Seungmin corrects. The nine of them have always been good enough.

“Okay,” Chan says, dropping his arms. “Take five. We’re not leaving until we’re able to do all the choreo without making any mistakes.” 

There’s a collective groan. Chan sinks down to the ground, blonde curls plastered to the sides of his face with sweat. “It’s not like I’m having any fun either, you know.” 

Seungmin sighs and trudges over to his backpack, pulling out a water bottle. He’s just about to take nice long drink when a tiny voice stops him.

“ _Mrrow_.”

Seungmin looks down. “Oh,” He says. He kneels down and puts his water bottle aside.

“Hey, Felix. How are you feeling?” 

“ _Mrr_ ,” Felix says shortly, his tail lashing back and forth. Seungmin doesn’t need to speak Cat to know what that means. He reaches out with a hand and lets it hover just above Felix’s back. 

“Um, I know this probably hasn’t been the best day for you-,” Felix rolls his eyes- it looks very peculiar on a cat- “But I hope you know that this isn't your fault, right? It’s not like you asked to be turned into a cat. I’m sure we’ll figure this all out before people start asking questions.” 

Felix sighs, the hair on his back flattening. “ _Mrrrrow_ ,” he says sadly. Seungmin pats him carefully, his heart aching around the edges. “We’ll get you back, dude. Don’t worry.” 

Seungmin really, _really_ wants to pull Felix up and hug him, but Seungmin’s not entirely sure that he’d want that. _It’s Felix, not some random cat. Just because he makes a very cute kitten doesn’t mean that he actually is one_. 

Minho clearly doesn’t share the same sentiment as he does. Seungmin watches with a sour expression as the older man envelops a startled Felix into a big ( but gentle ) hug, humming softly.

“Sorry, Felix.” Minho apologizes, “But you know how much I like cats. And I like you, so this is really a win-win for me.” 

Seungmin expects Felix to do something- scratch the hell out of Minho’s face, maybe. Instead, Felix defies all of Seungmin’s expectations and tucks his head underneath Minho’s jaw, purring against the side of the older man’s neck. 

Minho shoots Seungmin a delighted grin, mouth curling up at the corners into the beginning of a smile. Seungmin shakes his head and takes a sip of his water. _Weirdos_. 

“Time’s up!” Chan calls, hands on his hips. “Get those asses back up here!” 

“Oooh,” Changbin says seductively. “Why don’t you come over here and _make_ me?” 

Woojin snorts out a mouthful of water, spraying Hyunjin right in the face. “ _Woojin_ ,” Hyunjin whines, but he’s laughing too, eyes furling into crescent moons. Felix makes a coughing sound that sounds suspiciously like a giggle. 

Chan stares at Changbin, his ears turning pink around the edges. _Shut up_ , he mouths, looking more than a little panicked. 

Seungmin raises an eyebrow. _Interesting._

»»————-　♡　————-««

_**mama:** Alexi?_

_**mama** : Alexi???_

_**mama** : Why did the POLICE just phone me and tell me that you’ve turned yourself in for MURDER?????_

_**mama** : I can TELL that you’re reading my messages! It says “Read” every time i send you a text! I KNOW HOW TECHNOLOGY WORKS!!!!!_

_**mama:** ALEXI. IF YOU DO NOT PHONE ME RIGHT THIS INSTANT..._

_**mama** : [ VOICE MESSAGE: 0:07 ] _

_**mama** : THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!_

»»————-　♡　————-««

Somebody has left Felix on top of the washing machine. He sits there in the dark, curled up in one of Woojin’s sweaters. Jeongin pauses in the doorway, his laundry basket resting on one hip.

“Felix?” 

The kitten looks up at him with big, mournful eyes. It’s like a knife being shoved right through Jeongin’s heart. He drops the laundry basket on the floor and rushes over. “Nooo… don’t be sad, bro…” 

He picks up Felix with two careful hands and cradles him against his chest, mouthing _God why would you do this_ when Felix make a dejected kind of sniffling noise against his chest. Jeongin holds Felix up to his face. 

“Who left you here? Seungmin?” 

Felix shakes his head no. 

“Jisung?” 

Felix shakes his head yes. Jeongin frowns. “Aw, man. You know he didn’t do it on purpose, right?” Felix nods, but his ears are still pressed flat against his head, his tail drooping.

_This is heartbreaking to witness_ , Jeongin thinks miserably. 

“Look,” he says. “We’re going to get to the bottom of whatever this is, okay? It bums me out to see you like this. Let’s go to the common room and you can go through _everything_ you did yesterday.” 

Felix nods and makes a half hearted attempt at a dab. Jeongin smiles. “That’s the spirit!” 

Jeongin places Felix on his shoulder, and together they walk out of the laundry room, Jeongin’s dirty clothes abandoned on the floor. Jeongin struts down the hallway, banging on doors and letting everyone know that they are solving this cat-astrophe _now_ \- not later, not tomorrow- now. 

They end up gathering in a loose semicircle around the coffee table. 

Jisung opens the laptop and sets it onto the table. “Okay, Felix. Run through your day for us.” The eight of them watch as the kitten pecks slowly at the keyboard, gaze focused and intense. 

-Breaskfast  
-Workout w chan  
-Watched tiktoks with woojin

( “What?” Woojin says defensively. “Some of them are actually pretty funny.” )

-Practice  
-Aet lunch  
-Practice….  
-Interview  
-Dinner  
-Played fortniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Felix stops typing, a chill running down his spine. “ _Animetitty_ ,” he says frantically, whipping his head around to look at the members. “It must have been _animetitty_!” 

He _knew_ he’d gotten weird final boss energy from that guy!

“Oh, shit,” Jisung says. “I think Felix remembers.” 

Felix smacks the caps lock button with his paw urgently. 

OPN FORTNIT!!

“Alright,” Chan says, looking a little rattled, “Sure.” He scoots over to the laptop and launches the game. They wait in a heavy silence for the game to load. 

“Seriously?” Jisung mutters. “Fucking _Fortnite_?” He grunts as Changbin elbows him in the ribs. “Sorry. I guess it’s not too far out of the realm of possibility after today.” 

Felix is practically vibrating, his tail flicking back and forth. Of _course_ it was animetitty. Hadn’t they spewed some weird bullshit about guaranteeing him immense and eternal suffering? Sacrificing a chicken or something?

The nine of them collectively lean in to peer at the small, rectangular screen. 

[ INBOX: 100+ MESSAGES ] 

“Open it!” Felix hisses, nudging Chan’s arm. “ _Open it_!” 

The leader complies. Hyunjin lets out a low whistle as the chatbox expands and messages from _animetitty_ begin to fill the screen. “This guy has some serious issues.” 

Seungmin swallows. “Eviscerate thy body… he wanted to _kill_ you? Over _Fortnite_?” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to comprehend the complexities and importance of an advanced game such as this,” Felix replies primly, tail tucked neatly over his paws. Seungmin looks at him, unimpressed.

“I hope you know I understood none of what you just said.” 

Chan wiggles his fingers. “Should I like… say something? Respond to him?” 

“ _Mrrrrrrow_ ,” Felix says loudly, nodding his head up and down vigorously. Chan laughs nervously. “Okay, then.” 

_**sonicbaby420** : Uh… Hello?_

_**animetitty** : YOU ARE ALIVE!_

_**animetitty** : I DID NOT KILL YOU AFTER ALL?_

_**sonicbaby420** : Not really?_  
_**sonicbaby420** : This is. Uhhh. Actually a friend of. sonicbaby420._

“ _Sonicbaby420_ ,” Changbin wheezes, sides shaking with silent laughter. This time, it’s Jisung’s turn to jab him in the ribs with a well-placed elbow. 

Jeongin flicks Chan on the shoulder. “You type like my grandpa. Go faster, old man.” 

_**sonicbaby420** : And he kinda woke up as a cat this morning? So we’d all really appreciate it if you could maybe turn him back?_

_**animetitty** : praise the dark lord! i fucked up again!_

_**animetitty** : yes. i will turn the bastard back again._

_**animetitty** : only if he promises to not cheat in any matches from now on._

Chan’s eyes narrow. 

_**sonicbaby420** : YOU TRIED TO MURDER OUR FRIEND THOUGH???_

_**sonicbaby420** : ...Fine. He won’t play Fortnite again. Ever. How about that?_

_**animetitty** : your deal… it excites me……._

_**animetitty** : it excites me greatly. i will undo the curse now._

_**animetitty** : i will return shortly._

_**animetitty** : ...friend of sonicbaby420… are you… single?_

_**sonicbaby420** : NO!_

_**sonicbaby420** : but i could b ;)_

_**sonicbaby420** : asfnsajhdbsahjdbsahjf d fdghddddddddddddddddddd_

“Give it back!” Chan yells, slapping at Changbin’s arms. “I don’t want him to come for me next!” Changbin cackles and manages to keep the laptop out of Chan’s reach until Jisung reaches over and tickles his sides. 

“What a disgusting, savage display,” Minho says frostily, covering Felix’s eyes with one hand. 

Jeongin nods sagely. “It’s very clearly a mating ritual.” He makes a face and sighs. “I’m too young to be exposed to this.” 

“You weren’t too young to convince me to drink that gross mint cider with you,” Seungmin mutters resentfully. Woojin lets out an affronted noise. “You two did _what_?” 

Minho shakes his head. “I knew someone had taken that from my closet.”

“Enough!” Felix yells. “Have you all forgotten that I’m still a _cat_!” 

Woojin slowly releases his hands from around Jeongin’s throat. The three rappers climb off of each other, all of them having the decency to look a little ashamed. Hyunjin dog-ears a page in his book and closes it slowly. 

Chan rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry, Felix,” He says softly. “I mean it.”

Jisung scooches forward, knees drawn up to his chest. “Me too. We all are. We love you lots, right? You’re like, my best friend.” Jeongin and Woojin nod. 

Hyunjin reaches over and rubs one of Felix’s ear’s, and after a moment of hesitation Changbin does the same, his expression apologetic. 

_Another weird thing about being a cat_ , Felix thinks, _is that you can’t cry_. Instead he purrs, soft and rumbly, feeling very grateful for this second kind of family he’s found. It’s been an awful, terrible, no-good day, but it would have been worse without the members. 

Chan lets out a long, slow breath. Felix thinks he can see a tear or two in his eye. “Animetitty just messaged us back.” He places the laptop back onto the table. 

_**animetitty** : overcome by my masculine charms, i see……..._

_**animetitty** : we will talk about this later…...for now, i let you know that i reversed the curse. he will be back to normal by tomorrow._

_**animetitty** : but should i ever see him online again. i will turn him into a sow and serve him to my mother and father for christmas dinner._

_**sonicbaby420** : Christ. Okay. You’re *sure* that he’ll be human by tomorrow?_

_**animetitty** : yes. i am a disappointment to the dark lord and my mother, but not THAT much of one_. 

Chan shuts the laptop with an air of finality. “Well, I’m glad _that’s_ over. Who wants to order takeout?” 

Seven hands and one tiny paw shoot up into the air.

»»————-　♡　————-««

It’s Changbin who tucks Felix into bed. “Everything will be better in the morning,” he promises. Felix isn’t expecting the light kiss to the forehead, but he doesn’t necessarily dislike it, either. He smiles a cat smile, whiskers brushing against Changbin’s cheek.

Changbin gives Felix one last ear rub before leaving the kitten alone with his own thoughts. Truth be told, Felix is still convinced that this day has just been one uber fucked up dream-the result of milk poisoning, maybe. As a light breeze comes through the window screen, Felix is gripped by the heart-pounding thought that maybe he’ll never turn back. 

Maybe _animetitty_ was lying, and he’s doomed to be a kitten forever. His parents will think he’s dead or run away- and the group will suffer, surely, without a member- 

“Hey, stupid.” Seungmin whispers. “Stop thinking so much. Your little cat brain is going to overheat and explode.” 

Seungmin carefully climbs over Felix and settles down into the bed beside him. After a beat or two, Jisung rolls out of his own bed and does the same, sandwiching Felix rather comfortably between the two. 

“I’m scared,” Felix confesses. “I don’t want to be like this anymore.” 

“Whatever happens,” Jisung says gently, reaching over to touch Felix’s little nose, “We’ll be here for you. No matter what.” 

Seungmin nods. “I’ll tear _animetitty_ apart with my bare hands and feast on his organs.” 

“That’s going a bit too far,” Felix says warmly, “But I appreciate the sentiment.” 

It’s much, _much_ easier to fall asleep lying next to two people that you love very much.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Alexi,” The Dark Lord says tiredly, “Fortnite is just a game. You can’t just go around attempting to murder people for cheating.”

Alexi bows his head, embarrassment coursing through his veins. “Yes, my unholy lord. Please forgive me. It won’t happen again.” 

The Dark Lord taps a shiny black hoof against her throne. “I believe you. Now go. Cut off the heads of a dozen chicken for an apology sacrifice.” 

“Yes, unholy lord.” 

“And give me your mother’s number. She could do so much better than your father.” 

“Agreed, unholy lord.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Chan wakes up at three in the morning, heart racing. _Something has changed_. He detaches Changbin’s arm from around his waist and tiptoes out the door, mindful of the creaky floorboard by the bathroom door.

 _Please_ , Chan prays silently. _Please let our Felix come back_. 

At this point, he’d really do _anything_ for Felix, do anything for any of the members. Chan loves them, unconditionally and honestly. Chan has experienced a lot of different kind of love in his short couple decades on this planet, but this- this is different. There’s a reason he chose the people he did for the survival show. 

With each of the eight people he talked to, the eight he chose- Chan looked at them and he thought, _Maybe we could be best friends. Maybe we could be brothers. Maybe we could even be soulmates_. 

It was a lot to bank on a ‘maybe’, a lot of pressure to put on a ‘what if’, but it had worked out. They worked, all nine of them. 

So maybe that’s why Chan sinks to his knees and cries out of relief when he opens the door and sees Felix, human as can be, tangled up with Seungmin and Jisung, the moonlight illuminating their sleeping faces. 

_Thank you_ , Chan thinks to nobody in particular ( or maybe everybody ), _thank you so much_.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Got you a gift,” Changbin says, leaning over the back of the couch. Felix doesn’t look up, too immersed in a game on his phone.

“Oh?” Felix says. “What’s that?” 

A wicked little grin lights up Changbin’s face. “I got you a special snack.” Jisung and Minho watch on in amusement as Changbin pours a handful of cat treats into Felix’s outstretched hand. 

“Thanks,” Felix mumbles, and shoves the treats into his mouth. 

Minho makes a little gagging noise. Jisung drops his toast onto the floor. 

“You have any more of those crackers?” Felix asks, chewing noisily. They’re salty, but have a very nice crunch to them.

Changbin blinks once, twice. “No,” he squeaks. “I don’t.” He casts a look over at Minho and Jisung's frozen expressions. 

“Actually,” Changbin says smoothly, grin creeping back onto his face, “I can totally get you more.”


End file.
